STAY AWAY! We mean it. Or do we? Some partners come with more emotional volatility, lifestyle incompatibility, or psychological baggage than others. If you’ve ever heard the warning to stay away from Pilots, Physicians, Peter Pan Types, Perc Dealers, and Police, you’re not alone. When we write, we come with receipts and cold, hard data and resources for our readers. Let’s look at each type and discuss it down below. Get your glasses on.
Stay Away from Pilots: High Altitude, Low Availability
If you’re considering dating a pilot, stay away or at least proceed with your eyes wide open. While the uniform may signal adventure, stability is rarely part of the package. Romantic relationships with pilots often come with structural obstacles that go far beyond individual compatibility. Partners of pilots repeatedly describe the same patterns: long distance and emotional inaccessibility. Let’s look at the common risks reported by those who’ve lived it.
- Divorce Rate: Estimated between 30–55%, with especially high rates among commercial airline pilots and long-haul workers.
- Risk Factors: Irregular schedules, frequent absences, chronic jet lag, and “hero complex” narcissism.
- Infidelity Opportunity: High, due to long stretches away and hotel-based downtime between flights.
Even in relationships that are emotionally healthy, the aviation lifestyle cultivates emotional distance and transience which are traits that slowly erode intimacy (Prabowo et al., 2020). One woman explained that she had only seen her pilot boyfriend seven times in a year of dating. Another joked that dating a pilot is like being in love with a travel agent, “you manage your own schedule, fly solo often, and hope the layovers align.”.
Pilot-to-Pilot Relationships
And even pilot-to-pilot relationships don’t fare much better. As one reader shared with us, the only reason their relationship worked was because they “understood each other’s life,” not because emotional connection was any easier. Another pilot described dating in aviation as “logistical tolerance,” not intimacy.
Is my pilot partner cheating with a dating app?
Then there’s the dating app problem. Several threads readers reflected on how the phrase “I’m a pilot” functions as a dating flex, a way to signal prestige but it often masks emotional unavailability (Khanna et al., 2023). Even long-term partners reported feeling like a low priority, saying things like: “It’s rough finding someone who understands and respects your work.”
If you’re someone who values consistent communication, co-regulation, and emotional availability, this might not be a match. So, stay away from pilots. You’ll be competing with sleep cycles, rerouted flights, and a deeply internalized sense of professional identity. Even female pilots reported that dating isn’t easier just because you wear the wings. As a pilot, the job comes first, no matter who you are.
Stay Away from Physicians: High Functioning, Low Intimacy
On paper, dating a physician sounds like a dream. Physicians exhibit ambition, intelligence, and job security. But if you value emotional presence over professional prestige, stay away from physicians, or at least pause long enough to assess what kind of partner they will be. The reality of dating a doctor often includes long shifts and emotional exhaustion. We looked at the stats and found that:
- Burnout Rate: In 2021, 63% of physicians reported emotional burnout, according to the AMA.
- Marital Strain: While physicians may divorce at slightly lower rates than average (15–24%), they report significantly higher marital dissatisfaction (Dutta et al, 2024).
- Emotional Availability: Low, especially in high-stress specialties like surgery and emergency medicine.
Savior Complex & Scheduling Nightmares
The physician’s training fosters suppression, perfectionism, and hyperfunctionality. Many fall into savior dynamics or treat intimacy like a problem to diagnose. A partner who is always in control may struggle to be emotionally attuned. In one thread, a librarian dating a doctor said flatly: “It’s killing me.” She didn’t have time for her. She didn’t notice her needs. And she realized she was “wasting her time” waiting for scraps of attention. Others echoed the same theme: “Can’t even plan for a date” because the schedule always changes. Even when doctors do show up, many are often mentally checked out (Patel et al. 2018)
Allied healthcare professionals also struggle maintaining relationships (Aiken et al. 2023; Sharabi et al. 2024). A CNA asked if a relationship with a physician could ever work, describing it as a “situationship” with credentials.” In contrast, some nurses described being drawn to physicians for the stimulation and financial comfort but even then, acknowledged the emotional mismatch.
Female and Male Physicians Say: Dating Sucks
And this isn’t just a male issue. Female physicians noted that their dating lives suffered too. Many men felt intimidated by their independence or expected them to “soften” after 12-hour trauma shifts. The burden of emotional labor remained squarely on their shoulders. So if what you want is time and consistent attention from your partner and not just status or smart dinner conversation, then stay away from physicians.
Stay Away from Peter Pan Types: Never Grew Up, Never Settles Down
If you’re dating someone who’s charming, creative, a little reckless but chronically allergic to adulthood…you might be dealing with a Peter Pan type. And if you’re looking for consistency, commitment, or growth, the advice is clear: stay away. Let’s dig into while we sing “I don’t wanna grow up, I’m a Peter Pan Type…” to the tune of the Toys’R’Us jingle…
- Defining Traits: Avoids responsibility, resists long-term commitment, thrives on novelty.
- Psychological Profile: Often high in avoidant attachment, ADHD traits, and low in conscientiousness.
- Relationship Pattern: Hot and cold, fantasy-driven, and frequently idealize–devalue cycles.
One reader described their ex as having “hardcore Peter Pan Syndrome in every sense of the phrase”. He couldn’t hold a job, was always breaking or losing things, and relied on others to clean up the emotional mess. Another said bluntly: “We’ve been together almost 10 years and I don’t think he’s grown at all.”
Common themes include fear of commitment, stalled life planning, and emotional avoidance. One reader noted that, “if I bring up the future, he shuts down”, while another said their partner lived more like a roommate than a boyfriend yet he was expecting nurturing and emotional labor but offering little in return. And when you question the relationship dynamic, self-doubt creeps in. One woman wrote: “It got so bad I started to wonder if I was the crazy one.” Another described herself as doing all the household work, managing the finances, and trying to emotionally regulate the relationship while her partner floated from one short-term idea to the next. The relationship was unsustainable.
Not everyone is puzzled by Peter Pan types. A few threads argued that Peter Pan Syndrome is just a label used to “pathologize men who don’t conform to age-related gender norms” but these same discussions often describe behaviors like dodging basic responsibilities, avoiding conflict, and refusing to plan for the future. So is it pathology or is it pathological?
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Many people in relationships expressed the same emotional fatigue: “He treats everything like a game.” “He jokes when I ask about goals.” “I’m unsure if it’s in my best interest to stay with him.” This is a challenge if you’re someone with a plan and you want to share your future with the person whom you love. Unsurprisingly, Peter Pan types often attract partners who hope to “fix” them. But the longer the fantasy lasts, the worse the crash. Emotional maturity isn’t something you can inspire in someone who benefits from staying stunted.
If you do not want to parent your partner, schedule their dentist appointments, and one day realize you’ve been waiting five years for them to “figure it out,” the advice holds: stay away.
Stay Away from Perc Dealers: Chaos and Trauma Bonds
If you’re tempted by the thrill, the charm, or the confidence of someone who makes money in the underground. Stay away from Perc dealers and from any romantic setup where danger is part of the attraction. These relationships don’t just carry legal risks. They warp emotional boundaries, exploit power imbalances, and often leave partners stuck in high-intensity trauma bonds. What’s in store for those with a Perc Partner:
- Intense Emotional Environment: High-intensity highs and lows that mimic love but foster addiction.
- Power Imbalance: Control over money, attention, and validation in intermittent reinforcement cycles.
- Domestic Risk: Drug-related environments are linked to significantly higher rates of IPV (intimate partner violence) (Mason & RInn 2014)
Our research suggested that many relationships with dealers are long-term, one reader stated that he “dated a drug dealer for 2 years. He dealt weed, meth, coke, pills, heroin, molly. Everything.” Another said, “Dating a drug dealer is just obviously out of the question,” but admitted they felt “nervous” when he asked her out. That nervous ener+gy that blends attraction and danger is the entry point into a dynamic that can escalate quickly (Rauer et al. 2009).
Set Boundaries with Your Dealer or Stay Away
Some try to set boundaries: “There’s very strict rules. I don’t sell for her. I don’t hold onto her stash. She doesn’t bring it around me.” But even when the drugs are out of sight, the emotional and legal precarity is never far. Friends and family often intervene. Then there’s the manipulation. One reader warned, “He has to be good with his words. Whether he’s being good with you or just manipulating you, that’s something you’ll have to figure out.” Another described the pull: a mix of danger, control, and attention that created a false sense of intimacy.
Tigers Can’t Change Their Stripes
Even former dealers leave a legacy. One woman described dating a man who “used to sell” but still carried the same behaviors: secrecy, ego, detachment. The drug business might end, but the emotional conditioning it instills often doesn’t. These relationships are often trauma bonds with unpredictable attention, high-risk environments, and powerful emotional swings. Partners become addicted not to the person, but to the patterned behavior. And by the time they realize they’re caught in it, their self-trust is eroded. So if you’re asking yourself, “Is it really that bad to date someone who deals?” understand what you’re stepping into.
Stay Away from Police: Power and Control Conflicts
Dating someone in law enforcement might seem safe…right? They’re structured, stable, strong. But when it comes to emotional safety, many partners say the same thing: stay away. Behind the badge, the profession often shapes emotional behavior in ways that make relational intimacy difficult, if not impossible. What serves a police officer on the job is control, vigilance, suppression but they don’t always leave the job at the door. Often becomes a liability at home. We looked at the stats and found that:
- Police Officer Divorce Rate: Up to 60–75%, depending on role and geography (FBI, 2021)
- Domestic Violence Reports: Officers are 2–4x more likely to be involved in domestic abuse claims (Blumenstein 2008; FBI 2025)
- Emotional Regulation: Training rewards emotional suppression, high vigilance, and escalation tactics.
Policing Stress Is High
Hyperarousal, control responses, and conflict reactivity are occupational adaptations but many don’t switch off at home. Many officers struggle with vulnerability and non-authoritarian conflict resolution (Simmons-Beauchamp & Sharpe 2022). One woman described a terrifying experience after a single date: “The man I went on one date with is mentally unstable, repeatedly harassing me, and is about to be employed as a police officer.” Another thread summed it up bluntly: “Don’t do it. Big cheaters. And they don’t know how to deal with their trauma.”
Even within law enforcement, emotional disconnect is acknowledged. One partner noted that her cop boyfriend “had become more closed off” and unresponsive since completing field training. Another described the dynamic as one-sided: “He’s used to giving orders, not having conversations.” With many officers, familial and relational disagreements are framed as defiance, and emotional feedback is treated like a threat. Several posters noted that their cop partners only socialized with other officers, building tight-knit bubbles where emotional norms are dictated by the force not the relationship.
High Infidelity Amongst Police Officers
There’s also infidelity. Multiple commenters described secret phones, hidden affairs, or double lives. One said she “didn’t even know his middle name until six months in.” Another, married to an NYPD officer, said he was “on his third affair and didn’t even try to hide it anymore.” And for those outside law enforcement, the sense of exclusion is deep. “When you date a cop, you’re also dating the department,” one woman wrote. “Unless you’re in it, you won’t understand it.” The occupation consumes identity, and partners are left navigating an emotional system built on command, silence, and threat readiness.
If you’re prepared to have hard conversations that feel like interrogations, or for conflict to be handled like a tactical situation, the message is clear: stay away. Love requires emotional access while policing often demands the opposite.
Why People Still Date the 5 P’s
Each of these relationship types holds genuine appeal. Pilots and physicians are seen as accomplished and dependable. Peter Pan types bring playfulness, spontaneity, and creative energy. Perc dealers may exude confidence, intensity, or rebellious charm. Police officers can symbolize protection, structure, and authority. These professions often reflect deep psychological and cultural attractions. The key is recognizing when the desirable traits begin to outweigh or conflict with your own emotional needs, boundaries, or long-term well-being.
Focus on Pattern Recognition! Stay Away Doesn’t Mean Shame
When we say “stay away” doesn’t mean writing people off by profession. We encourage readers to do the research and learn how to recognize behavior patterns, their nervous system responses, and lifestyle red flags that commonly go ignored until it’s too late. Many partners in these categories may be emotionally healthy, communicative, and self-aware but statistically, they are exceptions We want you to understand that choosing emotional safety means watching how people live, not just what they do. Pay attention to inconsistency, control, absenteeism, and volatility. These are the flags, not the uniforms.
Domestic Violence Resources
If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence you are not alone. Help is available, and there are specific protections and confidential services for survivors in these situations.
In the United States:
- The National Domestic Violence Hotline: Call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or text “START” to 88788.
Visit www.thehotline.org for 24/7 confidential chat and resources. - If you are in immediate danger, call 911 or your local emergency services.
Officer-Involved Abuse: If the perpetrator is in law enforcement, additional resources are available to ensure safe reporting and advocacy. Learn more at this Hotline resource.
International Support:
- European Union: The European Institute for Gender Equality (EIGE) provides information on country-specific DV reporting structures.
- Australia: National DV services and protections are discussed in Douglas (2023), which highlights legal barriers and pathways for survivors in police-involved households.
- China: Recent studies emphasize the importance of training police to offer supportive rather than coercive responses (Zhang et al., 2024).
- Global Overview: The UNODC Global Study on Homicide offers data on gender-based killings and global DV response gaps.
You deserve safety, clarity, and support. If you are unsure where to begin, start with a confidential hotline or advocacy organization. Documentation, support systems, and trauma-informed services can help you exit unsafe dynamics. If you know any other resources we can add, please contact us!
Peer-Reviewed Publications
- Kothari CL, Rhodes KV, Wiley JA, et al. Protection orders protect against assault and injury: a longitudinal study of police-involved women victims of intimate partner violence. J Interpers Violence. 2012;27(14):2845-2868. doi:10.1177/0886260512438284
- The National Domestic Violence Hotline. (n.d.). Officer-involved domestic violence: A survivor story. The Hotline. https://www.thehotline.org/resources/officer-involved-domestic-violence-a-survivor-story/
- White, J. (2006). Domestic violence within law enforcement families: The link between traditional police subculture and domestic violence (Master’s thesis, University of South Florida). Scholar Commons. https://digitalcommons.usf.edu/etd/1862/
- Governor’s Office of Crime Prevention, Youth, and Victim Services. (2023). Governor’s Family Violence Council 2023 annual report (MSAR #9421). https://gocpp.maryland.gov/wp-content/uploads/EX-ORD-01.01.2012.05-F-GOCPYVS-Governors-Family-Violence-Council-2023-Annual-Report-MSAR-9421.pdf
- Douglas, H. (2023). Police perpetrators of domestic and family violence: A scoping review. International Journal for Crime, Justice and Social Democracy, 12(1), 3–18. https://www.crimejusticejournal.com/article/view/3582
- Zhang, H., Wang, J., & Luo, X. (2024). Police officers’ knowledge of domestic violence law and willingness to provide supportive services in China. Frontiers in Psychology, 15, Article 1128375. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC11283750/
- European Institute for Gender Equality (EIGE). (2022). Intimate partner violence: Data collection across the European Union. https://eige.europa.eu/sites/default/files/documents/mh0218659enn_002.pdf
- United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime (UNODC). (2022). Gender-related killings of women and girls: Improving data to improve responses to femicide/feminicide. Global Study on Homicide: Booklet 5. https://www.unodc.org/documents/data-and-analysis/gsh/Booklet_5.pdf
